By: Jennifer Beach, LSW, MA, C-SWCM
The holidays mean different things to each of us, depending on where we are in life this season.
Children grow, loved ones face challenges. We all face uncertainties and, like everything in life, our holiday experiences change, too.
We all know the phrase, “Is the glass half empty or half full?” Optimists will usually say the glass is half-full, whereas pessimists will usually point out that it’s half-empty.
I recently heard someone talking about this phrase with a different spin related to the holidays. As we age and life all around us continues to change, we may view the glass differently.
Outlook
For some of us, when we hold up the glass, perhaps we only see a quarter of it full; there’s not much left in the glass. There may have been many changes in our lives and the holidays are not what they once were. We see sadness, disappointment and the loss of what was.
It may seem that many aspects of the holidays have changed: the people, the gatherings and the traditions, leaving us feeling like not much of anything is left to enjoy. But there is still liquid in the glass and maybe, just maybe, we can add something new into the glass that goes well with what is still there.
This year, consider adding something new and different into your glass and try to get it back to at least half-full. You may even be able to share your drink with those you love and care about.
Try adding these ingredients to your glass this holiday season:
- Acceptance. Recognize that life has changed. Ask yourself if trying to replicate some traditions or rituals may only increase the sense of loss of what is not there anymore. Accept that life is ever-changing and this holiday season will change, too.
- Calm. Work on ways to physically relax. There is a tremendous amount of data to support the benefits of focused breathing. The benefits include reduced stress, improved sleep, improved outlook on life and much more. Focused breathing can help you remain calm and keep things in perspective.
- Listening. In our hyper, fast-paced world, our attention spans seem to be shrinking. Slowing down and working on actively listening is a skill we could all work on. When people you care about want to talk, even if the discussion is negative, giving them time to be heard is a true gift. An honest and empathetic conversation can be very meaningful, even if it doesn’t change a thing. Giving the gift of allowing someone to be heard can be powerful. Listening can be a way of lifting others’ spirits and adding to their cup, without them even realizing you “poured” a little something into their cup.
Change it up
What can you do differently this year? Consider asking your family, friends or yourself to come up with one new thing you could do this holiday season. Think outside of the box or even your own comfort zone. Some ideas to get you thinking:
- Change locations or places you typically celebrate
- Change decorations
- Cook a new meal
- Donate money or gifts to local causes in place of exchanging gifts
- Play games to help facilitate conversations
- Spend small amounts of time with older loved ones throughout the holiday season instead of one big day
- Make cards and leave them in your neighbors’ mailbox
- Write a letter to someone you haven’t seen in a long time
- Call a friend, especially if they have recently lost a loved one
This holiday season will not be like those of the past. Holidays, like life, will change. The gift we can give ourselves this holiday season is accepting change and focusing on making this holiday season joyful in a way that honors that change.
Original Article: https://www.northeastohioboomer.com/blogger/when-your-life-is-consumed-by-their-pain/