By: Jennifer Beach, LSW, MA, C-SWCM
Rosemary, 85, is a widow who lives in a condo that she and her late husband purchased in her early 70s. Four years ago, Rosemary’s neighbor found her sitting on the grass in the front yard of her condominium complex. She was mumbling and not sure how she ended up outside.
Despite a visit to the emergency room and a battery of tests, her physicians couldn’t determine what exactly happened or why. Life returned to normal for Rosemary; she never had another episode.
But over the past two years, Rosemary has been coping with slow, ongoing changes in her health, including memory loss. Rosemary isn’t able to clearly recognize her changing needs. She knows she’s moving a bit slower — after all, she’s 85 — but otherwise, she thinks she is fine.
Standoff
Rosemary’s children, on the other hand, see many changes in their mother, including her inability to safely live alone. They’re afraid for their mother’s safety and feel that something must change.
Rosemary’s situation is a common one for many families. Often, older loved ones do not recognize nor are they aware of their changing health and inability to live independently as they once did.
Recognizing changes in ourselves is often referred to as self-awareness. Erosion of self-awareness is a common symptom of cognitive decline. Rather than a parent simply being obstinate or refusing to change, the condition can indicate changes in the brain such as MCI (Mild Cognitive Impairment) or dementia.
These changes can affect the part of the brain that controls the ability to clearly see ourselves. Reasoning, logically thinking through a situation, problem-solving and awareness of our abilities comprise the complex work of a healthy, mature brain. As damage or decline occurs, these thought processes change. We may no longer be able to accurately assess our abilities. Rosemary doesn’t think she needs to do anything different with her living situation because she doesn’t view it the way her adult children, doctor or friends see it.
Rosemary’s children think they have the perfect options for their mom: move her into a new and attractive assisted living apartment or move in with one of them.
Rosemary does not want to move anywhere; she loves her home and she can’t understand why her children are upsetting her with their plans.
There are no quick solutions or easy answers to this common and challenging situation. Below are steps that may make it easier:
- Attend doctor appointments with your loved one. Talk to the doctor about your concerns and theirs.
- Try to understand the diagnosis and how to support your loved one.
- Hire an Aging Life Care Professional to work with or consult with your family.
- Attend support groups and talk with other families coping with similar challenges.
- Recognize that you’re not alone.
We all know that location, location, location is important, both in real estate and living situations. When a loved one is told they need to leave their home for their own safety, it can be one of the biggest transitions of their lives.
Remember, moving is not easy, even when it’s clear a change is needed. This is a good time to consider your own aging journey. Think about and discuss your plans for where and how you’ll live as you age.
Original Article: https://www.northeastohioboomer.com/blogs/caregiver-corner/caregiving-and-home/