By Jennifer Beach, LSW, MA, C-SWCM
Making friends used to be easy.
So what happened?
As we are each given the gift of time, we are also given the accumulation of life challenges: losses, caregiving responsibilities, retirement, health and money issues, downsizing, moving and more, to name a few. Any one of those can cause us to question our purpose in life, and make us feel lonely and isolated.
Why It Matters
Health risks tied to loneliness in later life are substantial. Research shows that loneliness raises the risk of heart disease and stroke by 32 percent and contributes significantly to cognitive decline and dementia. The risk of early death jumps by 29 percent. Again and again, research and statistics link serious health issues with being alone and isolated as we age. Loneliness greatly accelerates how we age and how we die.
The remedy is to build social resilience, master new skills and relearn others. You read that correctly: re-learning skills includes one we probably never thought of as a skill when we were younger: making friends.
It was easier to meet people, make connections and develop all types of friends when we were younger. We may have had siblings, and like them or not, they were some of our first relationships and friendships. We were off to school and surrounded by others our age, all doing similar tasks… and we developed relationships.
Some of those friendships were short-term, others lasted a lifetime. After school, most of us headed into the workforce, surrounded by another pool of people. Even if we may not have developed meaningful relationships with them, we saw these people and interacted with them regularly.
For many, marriages and families created unique and lasting connections. We had neighbors, hobbies, spiritual connections, volunteering, and other opportunities to talk, meet, and develop friendships. We were busy, met people, talked with them and learned about them. These relationships added meaning and purpose to our lives.
Why does it seem so hard today to make those kinds of connections? While these opportunities may have decreased with age and life’s challenges, they are not gone. If we want friends today, it requires effort and skills we probably haven’t used in a long time.
- Do you want to become more resilient? Are you ready to work on this skill?
- Do you want to make new friends and/or expand the number of people you interact with?
- Are you willing to make an effort to meet new people?
Think about conversation starters when you have an opportunity to interact with someone. Ask open-ended questions to encourage others to talk and share. For example:
- What a beautiful day. What’s your favorite season?
- I’ve never attended one of these programs. How did you hear about it? How long have you been attending?
- I am local to the area. Where did you grow up? When did you relocate? What do you like about this community?
Active listening is a skill, and it takes effort to be interested, to listen and to understand another person. Listening and asking questions shows you’re interested in what the other person is saying and fosters connections.
Participate, attend, invite or say yes to an invitation. Try a program at the library, attend a faith-based group, join a club, volunteer, reach out to an old friend and ask them to meet for coffee or a video chat. Invite a neighbor over for a meal or drop off a baked good with a note and your phone number. Join a virtual group.
There is no magic formula; start small and step out of your comfort zone. Do not put pressure on yourself. You’re not out to make a best friend; it takes a long time to develop deep relationships.
Investing in relationships will enhance your life; you might make a great friend you never expected.
Original Article: https://www.northeastohiothrive.com/topics/relationships/caregiver-corner-friends-bring-benefits/