By: Jennifer Beach, LSW, MA, C-SWCM
Patrick typically visits his mom several times a month at the long-term care facility (often referred to as a nursing home), where she has resided for the past seven months.
Patrick loves and respects his mother and tries to do everything he can to ensure his mom is well cared for. Lately, Patrick dreads the visits. His mom has nothing to say except how awful it is there. It is draining, both physically and emotionally. He leaves the visits feeling guilty and helpless.
Sound Familiar?
For many, visiting a loved one in a facility can be difficult. As it would be true for most of us, we understand they don’t want to be there, coping with chronic medical conditions and living someplace that isn’t really home.
Over time, it is hard to hear all the negativity. Worse yet, we feel bad because we’re frustrated by their complaints.
Change the Feedback Loop
There has been a great deal of progress in understanding the brain and the ways in which it changes. The ability for the brain to continue to change is called neuroplasticity.
Neuroplasticity, also known as neural plasticity, or brain plasticity, is the ability of neural networks in the brain to change through growth and reorganization. This means our brains can create new connections and remap. In other words, we can intentionally guide our brains to become more positive and to learn things— including resiliency.
This means we have options. There are things we can do to intentionally practice focusing and building upon the positive. When we look for something good, we can always find it. Our brains are on a feedback loop. Small adjustments can keep our thoughts from spiraling down and help us feel happier.
As we practice these intentional habits we can encourage, assist, and help our loved ones practice these habits (sometimes without our friends or loved ones realizing it).
Leave Your Comfort Zone
We often run on autopilot, staying in our comfort zone. If we go through life not actively learning, thinking and trying new things, we foster a dreary, dull brain that remains on a negative feedback loop. We need novelty to grow and stay sharp, no matter our age.
Try something different when you visit a loved one. Bring or focus on something small to help steer the conversation to happy thoughts like a favorite old photo of them, you or a family member. Talk about when it was taken, what was the day like, how they felt. Play a song or music they enjoy, ask when they first heard the song or what they remember about the song or the artist. Try a favorite book, verse, short story or painting of something you know they liked.
A Habit Worth Keeping
There will always be both good and bad in our lives. We must work harder to find and acknowledge the good, especially in today’s fast-paced world, loaded with negative and sensationalized information 24/7. Our brain perceives and stores negative stimuli more rapidly and differently than positive stimuli. Over time, the negative experiences make our brains even more sensitive to the negative. Each day, we should try to notice and savor positive experiences to make them stick in our hearts and minds. We do this by mindfully staying in the moment.
The old saying, “Stop and smell the roses,” really does ring true, and remains one of the keys to happiness. By increasing our positive thoughts we can remap our brains a little bit each day.
Original Article: https://www.northeastohioboomer.com/blogs/caregiver-corner/the-happiness-habit-caregiving/